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In this edition, we follow a rumor.

My brother told me that his wife told him that her father told her that his militia buddy told him that his son recently came back from a round of exploration as a pathfinder, and on his journey, he found a tribe of beautiful she-elves who don’t wear pants!

Naturally, I immediately snuck out of the city during the next shift change so I could verify the rumor for all my curious readers.

I ended up being captured for a time and, I can report, the rumors of them not wearing pants was technically correct, which is the worst kind of correct. They don’t wear pants… because they wear skirts.

Disappointing, but my captors! They were all such beautiful maidens, gorgeous beyond compare! I befriended this one pretty girl who was around my age, and she eventually advocated for my release. She showed me around the treetop village, and it was incredible. In my shock and awe, my friend told me that, no, they’re not all girls. The most beautiful ones were males, for some reason.

Shocked and horrified, I had to make sure my new friend was a real girl. She was, but then she threw me off a ledge and I broke my arm on the landing.

I stayed in the village until my arm healed, and she escorted me to the forest floor to say goodbye. With a hug and a kiss, she scampered up the tree to go home, and that’s when I sadly learned that they all wear loincloths under those skirts too.

So that garbage rumor wasn’t nearly worth how much trouble I got in with my parents for sneaking out of the city.