Tammy is made to sit at a large wooden table usually reserved for the patriarch and matriarch. The entire village watches the six girls elegantly bring out their meals and set their dishes before Tammy, the ceramic clinking against the wood.
The bone-tails are split into various factions, rooting for one girl or another, shouting out praise. Avi’s father and mother are rooting for Filian.
Each dish looks similar. A circular piece of flatbread, freshly made, folded into a half circle with meatballs inside. Some have sauce, some have other spices, or vegetables. The girls are arranged with the oldest, Filian, on Tammy’s left, and the youngest, Amanda, on Tammy’s right.
Each girl stands tall and proud, except for Avi, who’s only standing proudly.
Matriarch Damara walks up behind Tammy and leans forward, her hands on the back of the large chair. Her voice is clear and projects across the village and crowd, “I intended for Samuel to be ignorant of this game to make it more honest, but I failed to respect the skills of our favorite little sleuth.” That gets a laugh from everyone, as the whole village knows it’s impossible to keep a secret from him. The girls giggle politely, except for Avi, as she doesn’t know what ‘sleuth’ means. “Thankfully, it shouldn’t matter too much,” Damara leans forward so Tammy can see her face upside down, “just pick the meal you like best, for whatever reason.”
“Y-yes.”
With a smile, Damara walks around the table to join the crowd, and the girls wait patiently a step back from their meals.
“I… guess I-I-I-“ he groans and shoves the words back down his throat. “I guess I’ll take one bite of each, so they don’t get cold.”
He moves to the left and grabs Filian’s meal. She waits with bated breath as he brings it up and bites into the center of the folded side. Setting down the rest, he chews diligently to savor the taste, then swallows.
“Hm.”
He moves right, leaving Filian wondering what his true opinion is, and grabs Kary’s dish. He bites into the same spot, chews, then swallows.
“Hm.”
Kary purses her lips as Tammy moves to the next oldest, Danielle. He takes hers, bites, chews, and swallows.
“Hm.”
Danielle feels a deep pit of anxiety in her gut, but it quickly turns to mirth as Tammy skips over Avi’s meal and goes to Zhu. Everyone laughs at the snub, and Avi crosses her arms tight. Zhu beams with confidence as Tammy bites into the folded flatbread and convinces herself that she sees a smile at the corners of his mouth.
“Hm.”
Last is Amanda, who can hold her head steady in the knowledge that she won’t come in last place. Same process, Tammy grabs, bites, chews, and swallows.
“Hm.”
Damara walks forward, about to speak, but Tammy moves back to Avi. He’s sweating slightly, his breath turns sluggish, more deliberate. “You didn’t… do anything weird to this, did you?”
“Teehee, of course not, Tammy. I didn’t do anything weird to my dish.”
He narrows his brow, recognizing the odd emphasis in her words. Yet despite his misgivings, he grabs her sandwich and bites into the same spot. Without bias or playing favorites, he chews diligently, inspecting the taste, then swallows.
“Haaa,” he sighs, “well, that’s disappointing.”
The words punch Avi in the stomach, making her gasp and accidentally inhales saliva. While she starts coughing, the entire village erupts in laughter, men and women slapping their legs, or stomping the sand. It’s a wild howl that echoes across the valleys and mountains and the desert beyond.
Damara walks to Tammy’s side and gets down on one knee to speak with him at eye-level. “You’ve made your choice?” Normally she’d put a hand on his shoulder, but that’s not a good idea anymore.
He forces himself to look her in the eyes, “I-I did.”
“Very well then-“
“Wait!” Avi cries, raising her hand and tail, “I have something to say!”
Damara sighs, “come now, please.”
“No, this is important.” A wide smile grows on her smug face, “hey, Filian. What ingredients did you use for the meatballs?”
Filian looks up and taps her bottom lip, “let me think. It was predominantly bird meat, various kinds, with banana paste to keep the strands of meat clumped together in balls, and a load of rare, exotic spices we got a long time ago.”
“Aaaaaaand?” Avi says, arms behind her back as she leans closer to her big sister.
“And… nothing. That was it.”
The smile is wiped from Avi’s face, “what? No.” She turns to face Tammy and points up to Filian’s face, “it wasn’t just bird meat, she added human brains to her dish!”
Gasps run through the crowd as Tammy’s disgust of human flesh is well known. The accusation turns the boy’s face pallid, though he doesn’t otherwise react.
“Uh, no,” Filian says with a slight laugh. She looks over Avi’s head to lock eyes with Tammy, the boy’s scowling too much to look away in fear, and she speaks loud enough for everyone to hear, “your former wife wanted me to add human brains for some reason, but I thought she was trying to set me up, so… I didn’t.”
Tammy frowns, and Avi’s mouth hangs open.
Kary raises her giant tail in an upwards spiral pattern, “me too. Avi said she wanted to help me win, and said you’d like it if I used human liver for the meat. But you hate human flesh, so I used frog liver instead.”
Tammy starts shaking, Avi presses her lips together tightly.
Danielle nods, “she tried to talk me into using human testicles, then she switched to ovaries when I called her out on how that didn’t make sense. So if I didn’t call her out on it, and actually listened… Well, needless to say, I followed my instincts and crisped the whole dish using bug meat.”
Zhu raises her arm at the elbow, and puts her weight on one leg, “like, me too! Avi, like toooootally tried to convince me that human skin is the same as, like, crispy, fried skin, ya know? Super suspicious. Luckily, I’m, like super smart, and went back to my plan of using berries.”
Amanda raises her hand straight up, with no bend at the elbow, “I agree. It was strange that she said I was cute, and her attempts at convincing me to use human intestines was even odder. I took it upon myself to ignore her and used cow intestines instead.”
The crowd wants to laugh at Avi’s most recent failure, but they’re also waiting for Tammy’s response. The boy’s body is clenched, all his muscles flexing, veins bulging out of his forehead as he grinds his teeth. A few Barabba raise their tails, ready to inject him with a slight sedative that will lower his blood pressure, preventing him from getting a stroke.
Finally, once his mind settles, he raises from his seat, “what is wrong with you?!” He screams. “You wanted me to eat human flesh?!”
“N-no!” She cries, sweating, “see, I, um, I know how you feel about it, so the plan-“
“Shut up, I know what your plan was!” He stomps his foot against the sand, “I’m not an idiot, I don’t need to be a psychic to see through you! You wanted to sabotage your competitors and have them feed me disgusting human parts, making me a cannibal. You didn’t put human meat inside yours though, so you thought you’d win by default!”
“Oh, uh, yeah. That was the plan.”
“But, of course,” he forces his voice to be calm, though his tone still layered with contempt, “you failed to see the obvious flaw.”
“Flaw?” She raises an eyebrow.
“Yeah, a flaw. If your little plan worked, you know what would have happened? I’d have eaten brain, skin, liver, intestines, and some woman’s ovaries! You’d have been the one that made me eat those!”
Amanda raises her tail, “if her original plan worked you would have eaten testicles, not ovaries.”
“Thank you!” Tammy shouts. Amanda doesn’t smile outwardly, but the tip of her tail rattles slightly in delight. “But you’ve always been like this. You just don’t give a shit about anyone else; you’re only focused on yourself. It doesn’t matter what you would have tricked me into eating, it doesn’t matter that you would have sabotaged your cousins, so long as you got what you wanted, then nothing else matters!” He grits his teeth, “just like a month ago, it didn’t matter that I kept begging you to stop, you did what you wanted, because you wanted to do it, and you didn’t give a shit how I felt. It’s even the same when we go on missions! You’re a braindead idiot, incapable of coming up with plans or using basic common sense, but you want to pretend like you’re even slightly competent, so you just do whatever you want and force me to clean up your mess! The only times things go well is when you just shut your mouth and listen to my orders!”
As Tammy berates Avi more and more, her shoulders sink forward, and the light dims from her eyes. Everything Tammy says is true, and even if it wasn’t, this isn’t a situation where she could respond or argue.
Everyone in the village loves it. Avi should have died years ago. She’s a runt, she isn’t smart, she’s lazy, it’s the natural order of things that she should have been killed off. The only reason she’s still alive is because she was lucky enough to meet Tammy, and it may have taken years, but she’s finally ruined that relationship too.
Yet Tammy’s thoughts are disconnected.
“What am I saying?” He thinks as his mouth keeps running, airing every complaint he’s ever felt. “I meant what I said about this competition, but it’s not worth this kind of response. Her plan didn’t work, I’m not a cannibal, why am I still yelling at her? Funny how my stutter is finally gone now, but I’m talking about things from years ago. If I really had a problem, I should have brought it up then, and in private. This isn’t appropriate. But… I can’t stop talking. I’m waving my hands, I’m stomping my feet, am I about to cry? There’s this pain in my chest and stomach, a heat in my cheeks, and every word I scream at her is relieving this great pressure in my heart. She looks so pathetic, and I’m not stupid enough to miss the reason why. Everyone despises her, or is at the very least cold, I’m the only one who’s ever been kind to her. But now I’m screaming at her, airing my deepest grievances in front of everyone. This isn’t appropriate. It’s true that I can barely stand to look at her, and it’s true that it’s her fault, but most of what I’m saying has nothing to do with… with what happened. This is just me being cruel, trying to hurt her in front of people who already don’t, and will never, like her.”
Tammy abruptly stops talking, and, while hunched over, shoves the knuckle of his bent index finger in his mouth. He bites down hard enough to leave an indent on his skin and draw blood. All this anger and frustration, built up over years of small annoyances, enflamed by her revolting plot. A valve has opened in his heart, letting all of these emotions pour out, and a sharp pain is necessary to close it.
Damara moves in and puts a hand on his shoulder, but a spark of panic overwrites his pain and anger and he jumps out of the way. For a second, he stares at the giant like a wary, feral cat.
“Samuel?” She says softly. “You okay?”
He glances at Avi. The girl looks hollow, dead inside, and avoids eye contact out of shame. Tammy knows her inside and out, so he knows she’s spent every moment since the incident regretting everything she’s done. Not just what happened a month ago, but all her failures and blemishes are front and center in her mind. She knows she’s dumb, she knows she’s small, she knows she’s a poor assassin, and she knows that everyone is right when they say Tammy is the only reason she’s still alive. Yet despite how her every waking moment should be full of nothing but gratitude for him, she continually makes his life measurably worse.
Tammy stares for a long moment, then straightens his back. “Yes. Sorry.” He breathes deeply to steady his heart and spits out a little blood.
“Have you decided which dish was best, or would you like a moment?”
“No, no, I can do it…” He takes a moment to collect his thoughts, then wipes his finger on his sleeve to remove some of the blood and saliva. He feels… lighter, somehow. His mind clear and focused. He points to Avi, blood slowly dripping from his finger. “Avi’s was the best.”
The entire village is silent.
Avi takes a moment to register that, then looks up and meets her husband’s gaze. His right eye twitches, but he manages to maintain eye contact for a few seconds before finally looking away.
That was… that was effort! Despite everything, he pushed himself to look her in the eyes. He tried his best, he hasn’t given up on her completely! Just this small realization sends her mood soaring, instantly recovering the emotional damage from his hate-filled rant. She sticks both fists in the sky and screams, “yes!” in triumph.
“S-Samuel?” Damara asks, “you choose her?”
The five girls sheepishly avert their eyes, their faces red while the audience explodes into gasps and murmurs. Avi’s too busy running around, doing cartwheels and flips.
Tammy sits back in the seat, and grabs Avi’s dish to eat. “No offense, but this was a pretty poor idea for a game. Avi knows my tastes the best, and none of you know how to cook.” It’s not lost on Tammy that his stutter is gone, and he knows why. He’s focused, he’s determined, he made his decision like a real assassin, and he’s sticking by it.
The girls pout, with Filian crossing her arms, “hey…”
“Oh! No, sorry. I didn’t mean to direct that at you girls specifically. I meant… well, any of you. The entire tribe, and other tribes we’ve visited. Bone-tails in general can’t cook.”
The tribe pauses, then everyone starts complaining and hollering.
Tammy continues to eat, undisturbed by the village’s complaints.
Avi leaps onto the table and performs an expertly choreographed tap dance, clicking the segments of her tail to the beat, and kicking off her rival’s plates, knocking their food to the sand below. “Suck it, losers! Avi wins again! From the clutches of defeat, I grasp victory!” She leans to the side, hand cupped around her ear. Such a pleasant smile on her face, it’s like their boos, insults, and curses are refueling her spirit. “Best chef in the village! Best chef of the entire bone-tail race!”
The other girls click their teeth and head off into the crowd to be with their families.
Tammy watches this display with disgust. For as sad as she was a moment ago, she sure did rebound quickly, then go on to act just like before. Though Tammy can appreciate that, from Avi’s perspective, she doesn’t need to change how she acts in reference to other people. She should cause less problems for Tammy, sure, but why should she care about anyone else? It’s not like anyone else cares about her, and Tammy wouldn’t force her to try and be more respectful to the people who have been rooting for her death for so long.
He shrugs and looks back down at his food, “she’s kind of right. Burnt bread, complete misunderstanding of spice, odd ingredients that don’t go together. I’ve seen you people eat rotten animal carcasses, and buttholes, and tongues, undigested food out of a man’s stomach…” He shudders, and shakes his head, “I mean, I love you all, everyone in the village, but it’s not surprising that you people have no sense of taste.”
Matriarch Damara raises an eyebrow, “you’ve never said anything like that before.”
Tammy takes another bite and quickly swallows, “what was I supposed to say? Thanks for saving my life and accepting me into the tribe, also your cooking sucks?”
She puts her hands on her hips and sighs. “That’s fair. You never were one to complain.”
Avi spots her father out in the crowd, he’s consoling Filian, who’s taking her loss in stride. “Hey, old man! I know you and mother are still absolutely gutted from your precious daughter being demolished by your biggest embarrassment, but hurry up and set up a contract for Tammy and me! Let’s kill someone to celebrate our renewed marriage!”
Avi’s entire extended family radiates bloodlust and hatred, yet there’s nothing they can do about it.
Damara leans closer, “but still, you didn’t need to choose her dish. Even if her’s was the best, this was a perfect opportunity to be rid of her.”
Tammy tenses, yet forces himself to push forward, “there’s no reason to break up.”
“Hm? Of course there is, she-“
“She didn’t do anything!” Tammy snaps, continuing with the lie that he was mauled by a beast. “B-but if, hypothetically, she did do something, then I just… need to get over it.” He takes an aggressive final bite of Avi’s meal, then rises from the seat. “It’s like you said.” Tammy’s brow is tight, his eyes focused and clear. People recognize the look, he’s pretending to be ‘an emotionless tool to be used against the gurant’ again. “I’m a proud assassin of the Barabba tribe. It’s my fault if what happened is affecting me so much.”
“O-oh, Sammy,” she says apologetically, “if you heard that, then surely you’re smart enough to know I only said that to make the runt give up on you.”
Tammy’s back is straight, and his chin is up. “Regardless of why you said it, it’s true.”
Avi jumps down and hugs Tammy’s arm, “my thoughts exactly!” This is just poor wording on Avi’s part. She doesn’t actually think Tammy’s at fault for not forgiving her, she’s simply agreeing with whatever her partner says.
In pure, panicked reflex, Tammy swings around and punches Avi in the stomach as hard as he can, hurting his wrist in the process. Obviously, it doesn’t do anything to the Barabba girl, and Damara quickly shoves her off, freeing the boy. Some of her cousins rush in and keep Avi from getting closer. All her bluster from a moment ago wiped off her face. In her excitement, she already failed to stop making problems for the poor boy and didn’t recognize how fragile this ‘master assassin’ coping mechanism is.
Despite the trembling, Tammy forces a smile. “S-see? Nothing… to it.” He clicks his tongue and winks at Avi, though just looking at her is an effort. “I’ll… I’ll… I-I’ll be fine for that mission tomorrow.” He looks to the faces of everyone holding her, says his goodbyes, and stiffly walks through the crowd. They part as he makes his way through, and he heads to his small, personal tent.
He crawls into his cot and can’t stop crying. He rips his shirt off and throws it outside, needing that sleeve as far away from him as possible. His body reveals faint scars from Avi’s assault, where she clawed his back and bit him all over. With the growth and medical serums given to him by the tribe, all of these constant reminders will fade in time, but he’s months away from the evidence finally disappearing. He lays there in a cold sweat, wanting nothing more than to rip the skin off his arm just to stop the phantom sensation of her touch.
****
He emerges from his tent the next day with a fresh start and a renewed determination, eager to wipe away the embarrassment of his public reaction to her hug. With Avi by his side and in the mindset of a master assassin, they enter the tent of his father-in-law, Mr. Kashier, and are briefed about the details of their next mission. Avi makes sure to shut her mouth and not speak unless spoken to, and they go on to complete it perfectly, without issue.
Keeping the momentum and not wanting to return to a slump like Filian said, the two never stay in camp for more than a day. They head out, complete a mission, return, then accept a new contract. Always on a mission, always focused on the task at hand, he has no time to think about unpleasant things. Like an emotionless weapon, he doesn’t need more than basic physical maintenance. No need for rest, or a break, or special treatment. Avi, who needs to do most of the heavy lifting on missions, is run ragged by this schedule, but just being near Tammy without him freaking out is enough for her. If he views himself as just a weapon for the Barabba Tribe, then she’s fine with being a companion piece. Like dual pistols, or two slugs in a double barrel shotgun.
Avi soon stops apologizing. Not because she isn’t regretful, but because she realizes that Tammy is trying his best to pretend not to care. It takes some time, but she eventually figures out how to best interact with this ‘master assassin’. Certain unspoken rules of conduct. No physical contact unless it’s to save his life, no talking unless it relates to the mission, accept his orders and plans without complaint. But there’s slight wiggle room in those rules, and she learns that she can stretch the definition of what conversation topics relate to the mission. Sometimes, even while doing her best to follow these rules, Tammy snaps and he’ll start screaming his head off at her. Like a volcano that has built up so much pressure that it needs to burst, Avi just has to accept it for a bit, and then the boy goes right back to normal once he’s done.
It’s a year before they take a real break, months after Tammy’s 14th birthday. So removed are they from the event that, when not on missions, Tammy can finally occupy the same space as her without suffering a panic attack. Though physical contact is still firmly off the table, and they can’t go back to sleeping in the same hammock. Even though things are ‘settled’, they’re far from comfortable, and the break doesn’t last long.
Under this new frame of thinking, they kill far more targets than any other bone-tail in the tribe and bring in far more wealth than any other. Others see assassinations as a job necessary to keep the tribe alive, or an ideological war of resistance against the perfidious gurant. But the two of them treat assassinations as a core part of their identity; the only time they can be at peace.
It lasts for years. Avi has to eat shit and crawl through broken glass every day just to drag their relationship back to where it was before she ruined everything. Mission after mission, getting shot and beat and screamed at, coming home covered in wounds to the bitter mockery of Tammy’s adoptive tribe, and having to go right back out the next day. Not even a single word of complaint escapes her lips because she’s that desperate to win back the trust and approval of the only person she cares about, and even then, it’s never the same.
There will be no more grand displays of affection, no more of his cute face giggling at something dumb she says. Most of the time, he tolerates her presence. At best, he’ll let out a slight smile or won’t instantly push her away when she gets too close.
It’s not enough.
Her heart aches to get her companion back, but necessity urges her to be smart, patient, and calculating.
It doesn’t matter if it takes 10 years, or 100, she will fix her mistake completely.