By: Peldaks Senate

Date: 47 AP

Context: In the ongoing studies to unify the Protectorate legal system, dozens of tests were conducted to see what system worked best. One series of tests involved having a mixture of aliens serve on juries during criminal trials.

In this particular trial, the defendant was a firryan woman accused of assaulting and robbing multiple tourists in the firryan city of Forgone. Her jury consisted of four cirathans, two peldaks, four monsoorai, two firryans, and two tendori with non-firryan ancestry. There were an equal number of male and female jurors.

The man hired to sit in this trial and write the transcript was a cirathan. The original text had many typos, but they have since been fixed. Any other changes are noted.

****

The defendant walks into the courtroom.

A firryan woman.

Damn, are all firryan girls that cute? She looks confident, and she’s giving a lot of sway to her hips. Isn’t she here for murdering a guy?

Light grey skin, like the walls outside, and across her skin are solid black tattoos, flowing out from her spine in the design of flowers.

She turned to me and winked! Holy crap, what a charming smile. Set right beneath two big, beautiful eyes. Is she part cirathan? I’ve never seen a firryan’s eyes before, but if everyone says they’re attractive, it makes sense for their eyes to be bigger than most aliens, with large pupils as well.

I just looked around the courtroom seating area and everyone is staring at her. Well, the girls aren’t, but they’re a bunch of ugly hags anyway. Some might be here with their husbands, or boyfriends, I can’t keep my eyes on them long enough to tell.

The jury comes in next, and there’s a firryan girl in that group too! A firryan boy as well, I just noticed. He has large eyes too, and I guess he’s handsome, but enough of that.

The male jurors are acting all nice to the girl firryan, and the female jurors are acting nice to the boy firryan. Opening gates, letting them sit first, laughing at everything they say, stuff like that. The girlfriends and wives in the audience are now too distracted to be mad.

These firryans are dangerous. Like moving works of art, I can’t take my eyes off the defendant and the juror. I’m reminded of this one time I traveled to Peldor and saw a beautiful waterfall, the awe of seeing something that’s a work of natural artistry. Every inch of these firryans is perfection, their skin and hair slowly turning a rich brown to match the wooden tables and chairs that surround them.

Even her hair changes color? Crazy. Some of the strands remain black though. Dyed, like her tattoos?

[For the sake of keeping indecency from entering the public record, the next six paragraphs describing the defendant’s and juror’s bodies have been omitted]

Defendant: “But I’m sitting, Judge Kalinowski.”

The Judge came in at some point, I didn’t notice.

Judge: “Then stand up, dumbass.” Where does this monster get off, disrespecting her like that. He should be the one on trial. “Good. You stand accused of assaulting and robbing 13 citizens of the Peldak Protectorate. How do you plead?”

Defendant: “Of course I’m innocent, Mr. Judge.” She turns her head to the jury and gives them a wink and a bright smile, like she knows they’ll declare her innocence soon. All the male jurors swoon at her gesture, and I’d be swooning too if she looked at me like that.

Judge: “Now let’s get on with it. Prosecutor, show everyone your evidence.” I force my eyesight to the Prosecutor, only to see him shifting in place, trying hard not to look at the defendant, thoughtfully rubbing his wedding ring. “Hey! Prosecutor! Monsoo-boy!”

The Prosecutor jumps up, only to be met with the judge’s yelling and harsh words.

The defendant, meanwhile, starts giggling at the display. I wish the judge would shut up so I could hear her cute voice better. The judge starts yelling at the jury too, especially the peldaks. I think he’s calling them unprofessional or something, but the defendant stretches her arms up high and arches her back.

[Four paragraphs omitted on order of the censors]

Defendant: “Um, like, yes. Total misunderstanding. Those men decided to give me that money of, like, their own accord! I’m totally innocent, teehee!” She looks to each member of the jury and blows them a kiss. The men are totally enthralled, the women aren’t listening since they’re looking at the male firryan sitting with them.

[Two paragraphs omitted. The Senate wants it noted that this was when we decided to remove the cirathan’s name from the public record, to spare him the humiliation of having his name associated with this.]

Defendant: “Yes, Mr. Judge?” She cocks her head to the side, what an amazing neck. The skin is so tight, and the lines of muscle so aesthetically pleasing.

[One paragraph of threatening the Judge’s life has been omitted]

Defendant: “But why?” Ahh! The fluttering of her eyelashes! Those long, natural eyelashes on such big, beautiful eyes! Oh, I hadn’t noticed that her eyes are a steel grey. I would have expected her pupils to change color.

[Sixteen paragraphs omitted. The Senate wants it noted for clarity that not all non-firryans respond so poorly to seeing a firryan for the first time]

Defendant: “Haha, I’m not purposefully tempting anyone! I’m just naturally like this. But I do, like, really appreciate that you think I’m putting in effort!” Her voice is so bubbly and kind, very energetic. She’s beautiful enough to turn heads, and she isn’t even putting in effort? That’s insane.

[One paragraph of insulting the judge omitted]

Defendant: “Fine, fine, Mr. Judge. I won’t talk anymore. But you can hardly blame me for being so beautiful!” She gives an elegant flip of her long, soft, luxurious hair, brushing it over her lean shoulder.

The girl firryan in the jury starts giggling, and that turns a lot of heads. I think the male firryan is laughing too but I don’t look long enough to be sure. The defendant starts rolling her shoulders, licking her soft lips, stretching her legs since she’s been standing the whole time, things like that. Every second of looking at her, especially with my cirathan eyesight, is like taking in the beauty of a masterfully crafted painting; a true feast for the eyes. I start looking at her through the reflection of people’s eyeballs, so let me stress that there isn’t a single angle of this woman that is anything less than absolute perfection. Maybe it’s because I’ve been living on Peldor the past few months and have only seen these brutish peldak girls, but these firryan babes make everyone else look like dirt.

She starts curling a finger through her long, wavy hair, and my heart melts. Her confidence is stunning too, there isn’t a doubt in her mind that she’ll get off.

Defendant: “Thanks, Misters of the jury! I’m so happy that you all agreed that I’m clearly innocent.”

Oh, did they decide she was innocent? I guess I’m done here. Easy contract.

[One paragraph omitted. Apparently the defendant began to dance in celebration. Though the cirathan couldn’t have been accurate with his description as Judge Kalinowski would have arrested her on the spot if that was the case]

I’m happy justice was done. Once she leaves the room, my eyes dart to the girl firryan juror. Then she leaves with the rest of them. But now that they’re both gone, I can’t stop thinking of them. My brain runs over every last second of memory, though everything beyond them becomes an irrelevant, faded blur in my mind.

Wait, wasn’t I just supposed to make a transcript? Writing down the words they said? Perhaps the Senate should have hired a woman for this job.

Though she probably would have stared at the male juror the whole time.

Or was there a male juror? I’m finding it hard to remember.

By looking at the clock, the trial lasted two hours and eleven minutes. Did it really take up that much time?

Whatever. They need this courtroom for the next case, so I’m out.